Drunken Goodbyes
by butterfly6
Summary: He knew how that look felt. How it burned a hole right through you, made you feel like all your secrets were bare and she hadn't found them important enough to care. It's Sam's birthday and Leah gets drunk.


**This has been sitting in my flash drive forever. It's been started and stopped too many times to count but its finally finished. Truthfully, I kind of hate it...like a lot. But if I don't post it it's going to bother me. Hopefully you guys like it better than I do. Thanks to Lorelei Eve for beta'ing this for me!**

**P.s. I totally remember Knocking on Your Door. I've just been hit with a bad combination of writers block, laziness and college classes. It will get done, I know where I'm going with it I just need to plan it out more clearly, and my go to friend for idea planning is MIA at the moment. Hopefully I'll be in contact with her soon. In the mean time PM me with any ideas or suggestions or even just to talk. All are welcome. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I only wish it was. **

* * *

Leah couldn't cook; it was a well known fact. She could burn down a house just boiling water. Leah also didn't clean. She wasn't dirty, but she didn't know what the point of simple things like say, dusting or sweeping was for. They were tedious tasks that seemed pointless because by the next day you had to do them again. At least, that was how she viewed them. Which was probably why she sat with a scowl on her face, death glaring Emily's dust free book case. It was probably also why instead of eating the no doubt delicious birthday cake, she had stuffed it with no lack of glee under Emily's tastefully chosen couch cushions.

No one paid much attention her, as the poor bookcase suffered the full effect of the Leah glare. Not that anyone ever really paid her attention anyway. Happy chatter went on around her as the rest of the pack and guests ate the birthday cake that had been given to them. She couldn't help thinking that she had never once baked Sam a birthday cake, in fact on his birthday's she usually made him take her out instead of the other way around. He'd never minded, in fact he'd seemed perfectly happy paying and all. Yet now that she watched him a little part of her wondered if this was what he had always wanted.

A party in his honor with a _lovely _birthday cake and an even _lovelier_ and expensive birthday present from dear _lovely_ Emily. The gold watch on his wrist seemed the most pointless and inappropriate gift to give him. The guy spent most of his hours running around the woods as a wolf for gods sake. Not that Emily ever thought of things like that. She probably thought the watch was pretty or something.

Sam turned his head and looked at Leah, catching her in the act of staring at him. She turned her head swiftly but she knew he'd already seen. She glared at the book case one more time, wishing it was Sam before she stood up and placed her half full glass of wine on the edge of the table. Hopefully someone would bump into it and break it, spilling the wine. She couldn't help smirking when she imagined Emily's lovely white rug covered in blood red wine.

She walked outside, flinching in the ridiculous high heels her mom suggested she wear. She was already 5'10 and looked like a giant next to sweet little 5'6 Emily. But of course why not add 3 more inches for good measure. What her mom hadn't won on was the dress she was wearing. The cashmere sweater dress just wouldn't have done. Leah would be lying if she said it wasn't for the benefit of the pack and especially Sam. She knew she was attractive, and the skin tight, mid thigh black dress only showed that and accentuated everything to her advantage. She hadn't missed the many the appreciative glances she'd gotten from Jared, Paul, Jacob, and Quil. Embry was too much of a gentleman to make his staring obvious but she'd caught him looking.

But Sam, she hadn't caught Sam looking even once. That made her angry. Who was he to ignore the show she was putting on for him. He had to at least still _want_ her. She suddenly found herself wishing she'd brought her wine with her. It wouldn't have had much of a chance to affect her of course. It took more than a glass of wine to make a wolf drunk but it would have been a semi-decent start maybe. She sat down in the chair on the porch and cupped her head in her hands angrily surveying the trees. She suddenly wanted to scream, or kick something. It wasn't fair! It wasn't fucking fair! She could feel the hot sting of tears pricking her eyes and she blinked rapidly, her mouth in a bitter scowl. Emily always got everything, stupid perfect Emily.

She stared at the chipped wood of the porch before something sticking from under her chair caught her eye. She pulled it out and smiled. It was exactly what she needed.

* * *

Leah was gone for close to an hour when Sam finally finished mingling with a few guests and wondered outside after her. He'd seen her stuff the slice of cake under the couch cushion and knew he'd have to find a way to clean it up the best he could before Emily noticed. He'd also felt extremely sorry for the poor book case, he knew how that look felt. How it burned a hole right through you, made you feel like all your secrets were bare and she hadn't found them important enough to care.

Sam had also noticed Leah's attire. He'd had to swallow and physically turn his body away to tear his gaze away from her. It was then he realized it was best if he only looked from the corner of his eye. The dress looked close to painted on, it was short and with those heels her legs looked miles long. Her lipstick was a deep red and her not quite shoulder length hair was done in artful windswept curls. Only Sam knew she hadn't done a damn thing to her hair. She never did, her hair styled itself.

She hadn't done much of anything for the first half hour of the party except glare at the book case and look sexy. He also wasn't the only one to notice her. He'd seen the lustful glances of the other pack members and he found himself wanting to alpha order them to look away. When he'd caught her staring at him, he had to admit he'd been surprised. She'd been innocently staring. Leah didn't stare at anyone innocently. She glared and said something sarcastic. _Especially_ to him.

He stepped onto the front porch and looked into the trees. He didn't see her, but he didn't think she'd gone far either. But then what did he know about Leah. She wasn't his Lee-Lee anymore after all. A noise in the corner drew his attention and he saw her. She was sprawled rather indecently on the rocking chair. One leg was thrown haphazardly over one of the handles, and he was sure that had it been day time or the porch light was on, he would have seen right up her dress clearly given how short it was. As it was he could make out some of the paler skin against the black of her dress rather far up her legs. _Much_ farther than just mid thigh.

Her head was leaning back against the other handle, the smooth curve of her neck showing to its advantage. He'd always loved her neck. Now he could see it working to swallow the contents of the can at her lips. One of _his_ cans of beer from the 12 pack he kept out here for nights he wanted to relax. His eyes widened as he noticed the other 9 or 10 cans littering the floor around her. She finished the beer and flung the can casually to join the rest. She didn't move after that and Sam found himself unsure of what to do. He approached her carefully, stepping over the many cans until he was right over her.

"Uh Leah?" She didn't answer, she didn't even twitch. "Leah?" He said again, poking her this time. He didn't even know if she was breathing. Her eyes opened at the touch of his finger though and he drew his hand back fearing she might be angry. Instead she did the unthinkable and smiled.

"Sam!" she slurred, struggling to sit up. "Happy Birthday!" She laughed as she successfully pulled her leg from the handle and closed them properly. "Are you having a good time?" He was caught by surprise because of the radiance of her smile. She hadn't smiled like that in years and certainly not at him.

"This is such a lovely party! Although I am sorry about the cake under the cushion," she said opening her eyes wide. Then she scowled and for a split second he was sure the familiar Leah was back.

"These heels are killing my feet, last time I let mom dictate my foot wear ." He'd spoken too soon about the properly closed legs because she swung one back onto the handle and reached towards the shoe. The formerly pitch black porch was awash with a glow now that the moon had made an appearance from behind a cloud. He had to avert his gaze quickly as Leah hummed to herself and pulled the thin strap of the shoe from around her ankle before repeating the process on her other foot. Leah wasn't one for conventional underwear if the thin string he'd just seen was any indication. He swallowed and nonchalantly adjusted himself in his pants. Not that she noticed. She was now leaning back in the rocking chair a shoe dangling from her finger as she continued humming to herself with her eyes closed. She sat up suddenly and reached for the last beer in the package.

"Okay Leah, I think you've had enough," he said swiping the can from her hand just as she opened it. She looked angry for a moment before smiling again.

"You used to always stop me from drinking too much," she laughed. "Always the sensible one in our relationship." She didn't fight him back for the can like she used to, instead she leaned back again and stretched her arms out before curving them behind her head.

"Sit with me Sam!" She said excitedly, bestowing him with another of her rarely seen grins, despite the fact that she occupied the only available seating. Sam glanced around a little unsure of what to do. Instead of sitting he leaned back against the porch railing and stared at Leah. She had her eyes closed again, the single heel still dangling from a slender finger.

"Leah…" he asked hesitantly. "Are you okay?" He realized the absurdity of the question after he said it. She was drunk for gods sake. Her eyes fluttered open and a sadness he hadn't seen since he first broke her heart filled them. Leah was too tough and bitter to let him see the hurt under everything else. It was why she seemed such a bitch all the time. But right now, in this moment, he could see just how vulnerable she was. Her eyes shifted past him and she smiled softly at something behind him.

"Remember when you tried to race me up that tree?" The slightest hint of amusement reached her voice. "You were so stupid, I don't know why you thought you could beat me." She shook her head slowly as Sam remembered the day. He was 11 and she'd just turned 12. He's twisted his ankle trying to race her to the top and even though he'd lost he'd gotten what he wanted. A kiss on the cheek from the prettiest girl on the Rez. He couldn't help smiling at the memory. Even then Leah had been a force to be reckoned with.

She licked her lips and blinked back tears as she stared at the tree silently. He didn't know what to do. She never once let him see her like this. He didn't know if he should comfort her or just leave, so he stayed put. Just watching her. Behind the broken girl he could see some of the old Leah. The pre broken and bitter Leah. The innocent care free tomboy he fell in love with. The one who threatened to break his wrist if he ever told anyone about how she cried when her bunny Cleo died. The one who made him the most god awful chicken soup when he was fourteen and sick in bed with the flu. But he ate it anyway because he didn't want to hurt her feelings. The one who stepped on his toes at prom because she had two left feet.

"You broke me Sam, you broke me so badly," she whispered. She still didn't look at him. Her eyes were glassy with unshed tears and he almost wondered if she even remembered he was there. Suddenly her whole demeanor changed and she was drunk happy Leah again.

"Lets go cliff diving Sam," she said suddenly springing to her feet quickly and losing her balance. She tumbled forward and he instinctively reached to catch her, dropping the beer in the process, his hands settled on her waist. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her nose to the crook. "You smell so good, just like always. Like wood and apples. And you don't even wear cologne do you?" She mumbled against his neck. She didn't actually expect an answer. She knew Sam didn't.

Sam glanced guiltily at the door, knowing that if anyone stepped though it right now there would be questions to answer. Still he couldn't help admitting in the back of his mind that a part of him missed holding her. Leah, for all her tough exterior had always been soft and supple in his arms. She pulled back from him first and stumbled tipsily down the porch steps dragging him behind her. She laughed suddenly as they made their way down the path leading to the closest cliff. Sam wondered why he didn't just tell her no and go back to the party. He knew Emily would start searching for him soon. But something about Leah, seeing this old side of her had him letting her drag him where she pleased. Her laughter was so light and care free and so much like when they were younger. He wished she would do it more often.

"Do you know what the first thing I did after you ended it was?" she asked looking back at him over her shoulder, and it was so unintentionally provocative Sam almost didn't process her words. " I came here," she said as they reached one of the tallest cliffs for cliff diving in La Push. "I came here and I jumped, I didn't want to live anymore when you said you didn't want me anymore. The fact that you left me for Emily…" She broke off and dropped his hand raising her own to her face. He knew that if she wasn't drunk she wouldn't be sharing this part of her self with him. He didn't know she'd done that and he didn't know how to react.

"Stupid Seth and Dad," she snorted. "Always coming to the rescue. They saved me before I could drown." Sam decided he'd give Seth a break on his patrolling next time. She didn't seem very interested in cliff diving anymore. She turned to him, a fire igniting in her eyes.

"Why did you go Sam! Why did you leave? Wasn't I good enough?" She asked and she sounded so broken despite the venom she attempted to inject in her voice. He could feel his own throat tightening. What had he done to this girl?

"I loved you, I _still_ love you so much. But all you wanted was perfect Emily just like everyone else. I'm never good enough." she whispered the last part so softly and heart shatteringly sadly he found himself wrapping his arms around her without thinking and hushing her gently. He could feel her hot tears soaking his shirt but he didn't care. The guilt inside of him was like poison.

"I'm so sorry Leah, I'm so sorry."

"You broke all your promises," she hiccupped against his shoulder. "All of them Sam. You were going to make _me_ Leah Uley some day, remember? You didn't even _like_ Emily when we were little." Sam knew she was right. Emily had annoyed him when she was younger. She was too girly and quiet. He'd always loved Leah for her fire and defiance.

But that wasn't the case now. He did love Emily, honestly and truly. She was everything he needed and even now a part of him wanted to return to her. But Leah, something about Leah kept him there. He'd be lying if he said a part of his heart wouldn't always be hers. She was Leah after all. She was everything he _had _wanted. He wasn't used to this side of her though and so all he could do was hold her and let her cry. And she did, for what feels like hours but couldn't have been more than a handful of minutes.

"I still have your sweater you know. The one you gave me on our third date when it was raining." He could feel her lips against his shoulder tug up into a small smile. "You kissed me for the first time when I was wearing it," she sighed softly and pressed her face deeper into his chest, and he held her tighter. He did remember the kiss.

How he didn't have his car that time and they had to run from the Rez's small movie theater to her house. She had laughed the entire way, holding his hand as they dashed through puddles. By the time they made it to her front door they were both soaked and breathing hard. Her eyes had danced with laughter and her smile was so big. He'd never seen her look so beautiful, wet and dripping with her hair a tangled mess. He'd reached up a hand brushed back a few strands from her eyes and she'd stopped smiling. Her expression became a little more serious.

"If you're going to kiss me go ahead…but if it sucks I'll totally punch you in the balls," she'd said blatantly in a perfect Leah like moment. He'd laughed huskily and leaned down pressing his lips to hers. When he eventually pulled back she'd still had her eyes closed.

"How was that Ms. Clearwater," he'd teased softly.

"Just shut up and kiss me again," she'd murmured never opening her eyes, only reaching up to tangle her fingers in his hair and pull him down for another one.

Sam drew a sharp intake of breath as he was pulled from the memory by Leah laying a soft kiss against his chest. He loved Emily, but it didn't mean his body didn't still react to Leah. She peppered drunken kisses up his chest and neck until she was kissing his jaw. He knew she should push her away. They were on forbidden territory, but some how he couldn't stop her. He didn't _want_ to stop her. Even if that meant dealing with a horribly angry Leah when she wasn't drunk anymore.

"Sam, if you're going to kiss me go ahead…and whether or not it sucks I'm sure that when I'm thinking straight, I'm still going to punch you in the balls." He didn't think, he didn't want to second guess himself. He knew if he hesitated too long he wouldn't do it anymore. He'd think about Emily and how it was wrong and right then, he didn't want to think about that. He just wanted to kiss Leah, because he'd missed it so much. Then his lips were on hers and her tongue was in his mouth and she was moaning softly as he sucked on the tip and ran his hands up and down her sides. His finger tips brushed the sides of her breast softly in the skin tight dress and Leah pressed herself closer to him.

"Sam _please_, I need you. I need something, anything," she whimpered pressing her lower half to his. Sam groaned softly and walked her back slowly until her back hit a tree. She wrapped her legs around his waist and deepened the kiss, tugging on his hair sharply as he kissed down her neck.

"Touch me, please touch me," she whispered and Sam didn't need telling twice. He ran a hand up her thigh wrapped around his waist and moved it under her dress. His fingers brushed her center and she arched her back from the tree, grinding her hips against his crotch and hand. Sam choked back a groan as his pants became uncomfortable tight.

"God Leah, the things you do to me," he whispered against her neck. He captured her lips with his again and he pushed her panties to the side and touched her warm wet heat. She moaned into the kiss and pulled her mouth away from his, throwing her head back.

"More Sam, more," she begged. He growled softly at her intensity as he buried two fingers inside of her and pressed his thumb to her clit. She was hot and tight around his digits as he started slowly moving them inside of her. He couldn't help feeling just the slightest bit pleased that he was the only one to ever touch her so intimately. He knew she'd never been with another man since him.

"More!" she repeated almost angrily this time and she grinded her hips against his hand. Sam sped up and added a third finger, making sure to pay special attention to her clit and before he knew it she was coming apart right there in his arms, gripping his shoulders roughly enough to leave bruises if he didn't heal so quickly. He pressed his lips to hers once more as she came down from the high of her orgasm. He pulled his hand from between her legs and set her on her feet where she stood shakily and pulled her dress back to its mid thigh length. He raised his hand slowly to his mouth and kept eye contact with her as he methodically licked his fingers clean. She tasted just as sweet as he remembered. She sighed softly and raised a hand to touch his cheek.

"I should hate you so much, Samuel Uley, but I just can't bring myself too." In that moment, he knew the effects of the beer had finally worn off. She stood on tip toe and pressed a last chaste kiss to his lips. "Goodbye Sam, and happy birthday." She turned and walked into the woods, towards her house he assumed. He felt a little guilty for what he'd done but not as much as he maybe should have. He sighed and headed back to his party. The night wore on and Leah didn't make an appearance again. He made love to Emily that night but some how he didn't get the same pleasure from it that he'd gotten just from touching Leah. He still loved Emily and always would he knew. She was his soul mate and that wouldn't change but he was realizing selfishly that he wanted Leah too.

* * *

Sam howled, calling the wolves to a meeting. He could feel as everyone phased in and ran to their meeting spot. Everyone was here…everyone but Leah. Seth picked up on his thought and answered.

"_She's gone Sam, she left last night. I thought she would have told you."_ Gone? What did he mean gone?

"_She left La Push, she's not coming back, the Elders okayed it."_ No one else in the pack seemed surprised and Sam realized he'd been the only one to not know. She was gone? After everything last night she'd just up and left? It was a mistake thinking of last night, the momentary slip allowed the whole pack to see everything straight up to her good bye. The goodbye he now realized was permanent.

"_Hey! That's my sister!"_ Seth growled.

"_What the fuck Sam! What about Emily?"_

"_She _let_ you touch her?"_

"_Everyone phase out now!"_ Sam alpha ordered. _"And you will mention this to no one."_ There was grumblings and threatening growls from Seth but they listened. Soon Sam was left with his thoughts and he paced the woods angrily. He couldn't believe she'd just up and left after last night! His rational side reasoned that there really wasn't anything else she could have done. It wasn't as if he would have left Emily for her. He hung his head as his rational side won out. So that was the end, he realized. Their last stolen moment. He found his paws reflexively leading him back to the cliff. Some how he'd just known, because there at the base of the tree was his sweater. On top was a note. He phased back and pulled on his cut offs before opening the note.

_If there's one thing I'll never regret Sam Uley, it was falling in love with you._

_Love always, Your Lee-Lee_

_P.S. Guess you escaped the punch after all._

* * *

__**So there you have it. I hope you guys liked it even if I don't. Please review.**


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